sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
