My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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