like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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