Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
