Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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