sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
