remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
