What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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