Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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