Banned from zoo.
Again?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
