Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he fucked my hip out of place.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
