How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
