Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
