My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
