you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
