Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I did not marry a roomba.
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