then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
