yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
