Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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