Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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