i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
