Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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