HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
