This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
