True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
sex in a hospital.. check
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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