somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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