what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
