Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize