Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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