i just google imaged poop.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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