never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
