I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
