He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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