so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
