brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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