I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
