your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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