Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
