yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
