I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
