I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
