I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My bed smells like the plague
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
