this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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