So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
