a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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