How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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