just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize