Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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