i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize