i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
