then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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