Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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