4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
