I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
