I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We talked him into tasing himself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
