when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
