You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize