the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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