i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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