I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
