Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
