I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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