Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
