is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
