You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize